Wednesday, September 07, 2022

3996 : Load up your guns, bring your friends

Its fun to lose, and to pretend....

So I lived on the edge yesterday. I am struggling to type this (yes fingers are quivering!!). I drank too much. 

I did have a moment of deep epiphany (yesterday and today). I am deeply inclined to veer on the edge. I will always prioritize the madness of today, over the consequences of tomorrow (that's my phrase!! the drink does make me write better....I think).

I could have kissed, made out with someone or jumped in the river, though I cant swim.... (no, that's about it....... I had no evil or murderous thoughts at all....but more hedonistic).

Does that make me strange? Yes. This is possibly my version of mindfulness. Of course, as I said, even in these worst (or best moments), I had utmost clarity around my Buddhist values - which is compassion, care and respect. 

Yes, I would have jumped into the river. Thats true too.

Today, if I had a choice, I would sit with a 20 pack and a liter of the bottle and skip work. Just alone with my solitude, the smoke and the peated oil.

What does this make me? You tell me.

PS: I would do this a million times over, just for the epiphany.

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