Thursday, May 20, 2021

3342 : On the futility of trying

On my walk today, I did contemplate how I come across to others. Yeah - that's a fallout of confronting my own mortality (a sign of times!!).

My meditations were very bleak. 

I have my set of broken relationships. Will I manage to heal them? It looks more and more difficult - given my own inability to make inroads into broken conversations. Let me explain....its hard to bridge a mental or understanding gap when two people no longer think similarly. It's harder when, two people think differently, but don't consciously see it that way (the difference I mean).

In some cases, I know I have (or must have) mucked up. I am very capable :-) in that sense. I have mucked up, I have driven a wedge too, possibly. How do I cross the chasm?

Time and distance lend perspective. Definitely do. It's much harder though to use that perspective if you are unsure of that perspective.

Finally, (for today's walk), I did wonder - what is this world that I have constructed. I likened it to having created a mine trap myself (as a younger self) for my today's self. I am not equipped to solve this mine trap. I do want to solve it. I might not have the choice to leave it unresolved. This booby trap can work itself up in my face, into my soul.

Mortality is a strange catalyst :-).

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