Thursday, June 20, 2019

2558 : My prayer

Being an atheist, is quite a left wing stand in itself. In the sense, being an atheist is quite dogmatic - and I being "one" realised it quite late. Coming from a Tam Bram (conversative Brahman household from south India) - I shocked and caused enough grief to my lovely mom. Till today she can never understand why I turned atheist early, why I refuse to pray, and why I believe in almost nothing.

If there was ever an apostasy committed to hurt, I realise now, this one was it.

So I don't pray....BUT....

The closest I have come to prayer is listening to Tai (Kishori Amonkar) singing on the album "Prabhat" a collection of morning ragas - essentiality Todi and Lalit (Pancham).

I have heard this album (about 1 hr 10 minutes) more than 50 times in this year itself. Its my favourite album to come back to the "steady", to remind myself that what matters in this world is the minutiae, and there is only one person who controls the minutiae and that's you.

Its a meditative exploration of the sounds of the morning. Contains one my favourite renditions of Todi - now so close to me - that I more and more believe, that if I had the choice and luxury to listen to something during the process of dying - I would rather listen to this album than the Tibetan Book Of the Dying.

The album is haunting (and trust me on this), even for someone who does not understand or like Indian classical music. Listen to it about 10 times (put in that effort) and I promise you, you will find your brain playing it back in your head - at the most unexpected of places and times. And not in the least, as if it were an ear worm, but rather, more so, as if it were something you were trying to comprehend - something you were trying to decipher - something that you know is much "larger" than you, but you can't seem to figure out why.

Give it a shot one day. If you are, like me, the eternal atheist, be prepared to be just cleanly stumped, and to realise - that the "divine" definitely does exist.

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