1272 : To see your parents die…

Just 2 days ago, was reading in either Open or Tehelka (don’t exactly recall which one)….an article which basically was describing how it can be difficult to see even your estranged (from you) parents die. Its a terrible process. The author was describing how he had never had a great relationship with his dad, but seeing him die slowly from a delibating condition, still left him(the author) completely afloat and clutchless

I recall reading that, and saying “ahem….maybe I agree!!”

Funny. Today, I felt exactly like the author. To see that process is indeed difficult. Life is never one “happy path”, its a path….you choose to view it as happy or otherwise.

Enlightened (me!!)

1271 : Little lies….

The joy that little things in life can give you can be so filling and infinite. The best things in life are definitely free (and tiny!!)

1270 : To spar and scar….

I often wonder, what is it that makes some of us choose the worst from a given situation in life while others remain cheery even in the face of WWIII….

I genuinely, from deep within the recesses of my mind believe that this life is worth living and there is enough joy and happiness around, if one looks for it – if we occupy the right corner in the room.

I see a few close folks and see them festering away(and believe me, I make a sincere attempt not to judge), gnawing at their own insides, growing older much before age has caught up with them, feeling tired and weary from a world gone awry.

At times like this, I say a silent prayer….:-) asking for nothing, expecting nothing but silence…all the time wishing for a wondrous world that could so easily have been ours.

The glass says with a glint,  “I am empty”.

1269 : Define happiness

Was talking to a little kid recently and was trying to help him understand the concept of “happiness”….I struggled to define that term….it means different things to different people…and yet, it can only be “one” thing!!

Is happiness Tao? (The tao that can be explained is not Tao!!)

1268 : Trust is….

Have been watching a few babies in my life recently. While burping (post feeding them you need to burp them, as a standard process)  new babies, you make them sit upright, hold their neck by the scruff of your hand…and them pat them on their back.

Most babies appear blissful and almost smiling at this point…and to the point that the person doing it is almost incidental….its does not necessarily have to be their mom/dad.

If you think about it…this is the best definition of  unconditional “trust”….imagine any adult “smiling” when their neck is in the scruff of another hand.

1267 : Self made man…

Any idiot who says “he/she is a self made person” has definitely never held a tiny little human baby by the palm of their hand.

Case rests!!

1266 : Start ….post….up…..

Its due to the startup and its associated kickstarts that I have been terrible with my postings. Hope to get back in action soon.

Only from new beginnings will the old ones derive their energy. I needed this startup to feed my brain…..to feel a little alive again!!

1265 : Startup

After a few initial years of perpetually starting new ventures, and then going incognito. I had a brand new venture kick out last week. Probably my best startup to date!! (Ahem!!, thanks Mahesh Murthy, thats your line!!)

If we don’t get caught up in what the break even analysis said…this new starty thingy has already started paying tiny dividends.

Will keep you posted on how it goes over time !!

1264 : To be killed in a car accident…

A few days, I read a news report on the front page of Times Of India, Bangalore, which went….. “ The care containing the family of 4 veered off the road,  and drove into the river. XYZ who was driving the car was killed post the accident, while the other 3 survived….”

Maybe, I am a bloody stickler…but how do you get “killed” post an accident….did somebody stab you, or did you get shot by the sheriff ?

I think the right word should be “XYZ died post the accident….” “Killing” requires an external force with which is man made…..or so, I think.

(The next day, the same bloody newspaper ran a front page story which said “XYZ runned this year for the corporator”…. “runned”…. what next?……… “He eated breakfast yesterday”…:-)

1263 : To be born again….

"'To be born again,' sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, 'first you have to die. Ho ji! To land upon the bosomy earth, first one needs to fly. Tat-taa! Taka-thun! How to ever smile again, if first you won't cry? How to win the darling's love, mister, without a sigh? Baba, if you want to get born again...'

(SR, SV….the start of the book, and one of the best passages I have ever read!!)

My converse corollary,just composed, “to die, you first have to be born…..Ho Ji !to fly in its flashy skies, you first have to be born on the bosomy earth. Tat-taa! Taka-thun! Before you cry, you don’t necessarily have to learn to smile. How to never sigh and yet never win your darling’s love? Baba, if you want to die someday ….”

I have just been enamored by the “being born”. Bloody death can wait….bide its lazy time!!

(The time and date is so very apt for this post!!)

1262 : The circle of life

Today - its 2 years to the death of a “has been” something very special, and also, funnily enough,…..6 months for me in my new firm.

Caught between the infinite lament for the green past and my perennial hunt for the present gold :-)

1261 : Spider on a petridish….

1260 : My first fish eye – my apartment complex :-)

1259 : A bright Powai morning (from my sis’s place)

1258 : The perfect 10

After almost a year (or maybe more….or less maybe…how funny!!) I ran 10 kms today. I ran it in 1.15 hrs….which is exactly at a pace of 8kms/hr.

Sometimes these little trivial targets can mean so much to yourself :-)

1257 : The evil that is me….

Don’t know if this ever happens to you, but at some times, I almost get a vicarious thrill, when others (even some who are very close to me) are in peril.

I think, its the damned pessimist in me, that keeps shooting, “aha!! now you are no longer picture perfect!!”.

If there is one thing, I want to even up before my new little beginnings, it this souped up weirdness. I have always wished people well (modesty was never my style :-), now I want to make sure I think like from their vantage point too, almost wanting to feel their pain, and stop getting delighted in their hour of grief and challenge.

Help me, Little Buddha. The evil that men (like me) do :-)

1256 : The elevator pitch…

Picture this.

You happen to enter an elevator either at your apartment complex or work (or anywhere for that matter) and everyone who gets in (all of whom are some remote instance of an acquaintance) stares intently at the display (as if focussing your energy is an essential bit of making the elevator pause at your desired floor.) Everyone is awkward, nervous, fidgety and uncomfortable in their skin.The more sopho ones will stare into their smart phone or the blackberry.

I find this behavior fascinating. 50 years ago, you would only do something like this, if your co-passenger in the lift was nude was something….get the drift?

Modern man, on the other hand, seems to be shy of real human interaction. An email, an sms, a facebook scrap, or even a tweet is fine…whoa!!!…a real carbon dioxide exhaling specimen…..let me stare at the lift display instead !!

1255 : The thread bare relationship

I was talking to someone a few days ago, who was constantly referring to someone as his “rakhi sister”. I grinned and asked him “What does that mean?”

He said, “I have a “real” sister as well”.

Hmmm….

So everytime this person walks around talking about his two worlds….he distinguishes them as “rakhi” versus “real”. Will the two twangs ever meet? Your guess is as good as mine.

Me…I have two “thicker than water” sister(s) and they are absolutely wholly mine. Period.  Biology, or the lack of  blood, may bloody(again!! almost tautology!!) well be damned :-)

My blood has never been my most reliably ally anyways :-) (Those who know me well, will have a good laugh at the sinister poetic dig there !!)

1254 : Faith is….

Modern man is an unusual creature. He works in interest rate derivatives and then observes a 40 day Ramazan fast. (If you don’t see a dichotomy there…you are bloody well damned).

He will get a Ganesh idol home for 10 days, but he will curse the traffic condition outside on account of the festival.

He will want the best for his kids, but choose blatantly mediocrity for himself.

He will save for a rainy day, but never buy an umbrella with the money :-)

1253 : Poetry is so much more thicker than blood

The narcissist in me imagines me to be some sort of meandering poet. I now know where I get that aura from :-) My mum just beat me comprehensively at my own little game.

She composed this brilliant limerick yesterday. If you know who the pelican and penguin are, you will enjoy this much more. Context is bloody everything :-)

Said the Penguin to the Pelican
You sure cannot do
What my belly can

Be happy with your role
My mate in spirit and soul
And shoot away with that
Handycam !!

1252 : This has to be the song of my life….

I have posted enough on Bob Dylan’s All along the watchtower, of which I like the Dave Matthews Band version. Its a deeply metaphorical song, subject to infinite interpretation. I was humming the first few lines yesterday and realised how much it applies to the current phase of my life. (Assuming I am now the joker)

"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."

"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."

Life is truly but a joke :-)
Searching for my “thief” though :-)

1251 : Divided we fall, united we stand…

I have heard this all my life “United we stand, divided we fall…”…strangely you can juxtapose the words and it will still come out meaning the same.

“Divided we stand, united we fall” :-)

1250 : Those guilty stares…

I am terrible at my running schedule….Its usually about 3 days in a week at best. Often I end up running at around 8pm in the evening.

Its fun to have fellow passerbys give me that incredulous look…..I call it the “guilty look”.

Running fast onto nowhere :-)

1249 : Once upon a time in the west….

First there was none,
Then there was one,
And here you are two….

1248 : Dog Eat Dog World :-))

I liked this strip from Bangalore Mirror. 

1247 : The True meaning of life by HH Dalai Lama the 14th

'”We are visitors on this planet.
We are here for ninety or
one hundred years
at the very most.
During that period,
we must try to do something
good, something useful
with out lives.
If you contribute to other
people’s happiness – you will
find your true goal,
the true meaning of life.”

If after this people still ask me why am I an atheist or at best a Buddhist…I rest my case!!….the answer is there blowing in the wind.

Thank you dear Buddha, and bless me dear Dalai Lama.

1246 : Tere Khayal Ki(from Leela)

I like all songs from the movie Leela….most of them sung and composed by Jagjit. In the song called Tere Khayal Ki, there is this 3 liner which I really like. Its phenomenal in terms of metaphor (and then I sit and wonder, why English Poetry can never (re)kindle such imagery….)

Bade itafaak se milte hain milne waale mujhe 
Woh mere dost hai, teri wafa mein jeete hain 

I often wonder why the only friends who seem to meet me (ever) are the ones who inadvertently bump into me….ironically…they are in namesake my buddies, but they seem to only thrive on yearning (for you) !!

1245 : Buffalo Stance (Old Ads from the 80s)

Someone forwarded this onto my email. Felt nostalgic and old at the same time :-)

1244 : Vista Limited Wifi Connectivity

When you connect Vista after a long time to a new or an existing wifi connection, you will connect – and inspite of that you will be unable to use the broadband connection – it will keep reminding you that the connection is “limited connectivity”.

I have faced this thrice already….and its a terribly nagging and obstinate problem. Most solutions on google seem to indicate, restart of the modem and wifi adaptor in the laptop.

None of it ever works, since they are trivial solutions.

Day before, I faced the same issue with my PC (again). Turns out that the real concern is that the DHCP service is unable to acquire/allocate a new dynamic IP, and thats because of an inherent security “feature” within Vista.

If you ever need to correct it, follow the steps:

1. Figure out the GUID for your laptop/PC wifi adaptor 
- Start Regedit
- Traverse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE > SOFTWARE > Microsoft > WindowsNT > CurrentVersion > NetworkCards > (number)..
- Click on each of the listed ones, one of the registry values would indicate which one is your wifi adaptor.
- The number associated with that entry is your wifi adaptor GUID

2. Browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\Tcpip\Parameters\Interfaces\{GUID}
In this registry path, click the (GUID) subkey that corresponds to the network adapter that is connected to the network. (which you figured in step 1)

3. On the Edit menu, point to New, and then click DWORD (32-bit) Value.
In the New Value #1 box, type DhcpConnEnableBcastFlagToggle, and then press ENTER.
Right-click DhcpConnEnableBcastFlagToggle, and then click Modify.
In the Value data box, type 1, and then click OK.

4. Do a full restart

Bingo, your PC/laptop should now work.

1243 : Different strokes different

From the annals of my favourite daily column (which one….oh come on!!…its Dr. Watsa from Bangalore Mirror) dated 4th of Sep 2010. Sit back, relax and soak it all in :-)

I am a 36 year old single man. Six months ago I had sex with a housewife. Then, I made as many as 220 strokes in the 40 minutes of our intercourse. Today, I could only reach 180 in the same time. Please reply. I am worried.

Do take part in the commonwealth games, since you seem like an athlete. My advice is to enjoy the act and stop counting Do give a thought to whether you are satisfying your partner or not.

1242 : What is life?

My mom has a deteriorating eye condition. She lost a large part of her sense of smell quite a few years ago.

She still continues to work 13 hrs a day, she travels 300 days in a year, and cooks some fabulous meals (sans the smell!!).

If I ever sat down wondering “what is the right way to live life?”, I think the world just slapped back an answer,  loud enough( for me) to see and savor (and hear of course :-)….while the wide walls around you keep contracting and closing up, you keep running hard and fast along the borders of the square, till someday eventually the walls will (and have to) collapse into a singsong singularity.

Mom, I love you. Biology be damned.

(The world tutors you in strange and abject ways:-))

1241 : Is 14 years enough?

I was reading Geoff Lawson defend the Pakistani players in TOI. He rambled and ambled along –suggesting how poverty and cultural challenge can be an excuse for being morally bankrupt – I truly have no views on that all…..what caught my eye was the last line of the article…..it said something to the effect, that we should take a step back and think hard before “banishing” the pakistani players.

I am assuming that he meant “banning” and not banishing.

Where will the Pakistani players go if they were indeed “banished” for 14 years…..maybe the Vindhyas or maybe Harappa or the Afghan terrain :-)

Funnily, the bloody Australians (;-))  need to learn, that its one thing to constantly hit the ball out of the park, and a completely different ball game to speak correct English !!