Saturday, June 03, 2006

Post No. 21 - That Strange feeling of space...

Its 3am in the morning. I am awake and blogging. I just saw a movie called "Kal-Yesterday and Tomorrow". It has Smriti Mishra, Chitragandha Singh and Shiney Ahuja.

The plot is simple. All the above 3 are friends, Chitra is in love with Shiney, - who is ambivalent about it. Shiney finally marries Smriti. Chitra has never recovered from the jilt till date, but still continues living....till one fine day, she returns home to find Shiney at her home (at night) in a dishevelled state. The next day morning she discovers that Smriti has been found murdered. The whole thing revolves how Chitra unwittingly becomes a important witness in the case, where Shiney is the prime accused, and how her older biases (remember she was (is ) in love with him), make her not see the case in a neutral sense.......

Overall a decent movie, very not off the mill kind of story, different and great performances. About a *** rating on a scale of 5.

The weird part is, I am feeling so spaced out now (at this instant). I am having a few things running in my head. One of them is a strange weary feeling of mental tiredness, of wanting to give up....wondering why am I doing what I am doing.....Just feel tempted to go into a long sleep.

The other questions which crop in my mind are about my own life, primarily concerning work (am I a good leader?), and life (am I a good husband?, am I a good son? am I a good brother?).

With these questions, a plethora of thoughts scream into the(current) empty spaced out condition of the mind.

I know the answers to quite a few of these questions. They are neither all black nor all white, they are in reality hues of gray.....This is when I realise the 'greatness' of being either white or black....not just somewhere in nether-land.....

Wish I could change a few things....wish I could live life differently....wish I could escape a few things....

What am I feeling right now? Depressed....nah. Stressed....nah. Angry...nah. Possibly, a slight mixture of sadness and helplessness. "Shit happens".

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