We spoke some very difficult things that day. In the car, during the walk, and even during our long silences. I struggled so much with the chat, not because of the desitnation it was headed to, but because of the journey. The slow trudge to banality.
Finally, at some point, the talks died down. With no more possibility.
I remember, awkwardly, reconciling. Thinking to myself, if this is what it feels like, then it can't be good right? Good conversely though, is a two way street. And today felt like wewere on a one way street, where both of us were still driving in opposite directions.
Walking away, I approached the nearest machine. - pressing a button for a coffee. My goto panacea for earhtly escape. As the coffee was being readied, I felt the urge to pee. In the restroom, an involuntary shudder in my stomach - almost the kind which you have when you profuesly weep (and hence have to gasp). I was not weeping yet.
Walking out, I gingerly picked the coffee up. Tomorrow the world would still be round. The sun would still shine. The rain might still fall. My car would still drive. And yet, something irrevocably had changed. That feeling of change, was flooding my insides. A deep heavy sense of my complete inability to stop the slide.
They say water eventually finds its level. Do tears too?
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