Sunday, October 09, 2022

4013 : What is love?

I have been writing a series of personal essays on love. And hell no, not yet ready to publish them here. They are for now deep intense personal meditations.

One thing I realised, that even in romantic love (or as some call it "sexual love").....physical intimacy is such a small part of the journey. Its probably in single digit percentage (as in if we drew a pie chart of the arc of love) and hence freakish by the amount of attention it dominates.

When you really want to be with a person, you want to see her (I am straight and hence "her" here!!, but replace with your fav gender) smile, laugh, talk...... You essentially crave to just spend time doing quite literally nothing with her. You admire her ability to laugh on the silly everyday, and you croak at her ability to throw a tantrum, and then shudder at her proclivity to walk around with a cleaver......get the drift?

Essentially the point is - love for such a large part is "mental" for someone like me. The physical aspects of it, starting with the hugging, kissing and possibly eventually sex - are all just simple real world manifestations of the deep mental connection. They could be present or just be completely absent (consider a remote attachment as a thought experiment). 

Would the inability to physically hug, alter your attachment to a person. Hell no, in fact it would massively possibly amplify it.

Its hard to sustain love just on physical proximity (at least for a person like me). I can deal with the reverse, which means I can sustain love just on the mental strength of being "rando" companions. 

I am classified as a sapiosexual, but that is besides the point, right? 

I fail to find any sustainable advantage to a relationship that is rooted in anything but mental. The key word here is "sustainable" and "advantage" should be read as joy, happiness, spontaneity and trust.

Thought experiment for each of you - where are you on this spectrum? Yet :-).

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