Its fun to lose, and to pretend....
So I lived on the edge yesterday. I am struggling to type this (yes fingers are quivering!!). I drank too much.
I did have a moment of deep epiphany (yesterday and today). I am deeply inclined to veer on the edge. I will always prioritize the madness of today, over the consequences of tomorrow (that's my phrase!!....so the drink does make me write better....I think).
I could have kissed, made out with someone or jumped in the river, though I cant swim.... (no, that's about it....... I had no evil or murderous thoughts at all....but more hedonistic).
Does that make me strange? Yes. This is possibly my version of mindfulness. Of course, as I said, even in these worst (or best moments), I had utmost clarity around my Buddhist values - which is compassion, care and respect.
Yes, I would have jumped into the river. Thats true too.
Today, if I had a choice, I would sit with a 20 pack and a liter of the bottle and skip work. Just alone with my solitude, the smoke and the peated oil.
What does this make me? You tell me.
PS: I would do this a million times over, just for the epiphany.
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