Saturday, June 04, 2022

3939 : Secrets

I wanted to meet her and tell her my truth. I drove home. She led me to the kitchen and said "Sit kanna, tea coming up soon."

Staring at the boiling water, she continued talking in her usual chirpy and yet reassuring voice.

"All good at work?"

"Yes, as always good."

She laughed and said, "How can there be nothing that worries you? Are you really that Zen?"

I mimicked her tone and smiled with a small sound too. She continued "So all good ha?"

I say with a deep pause, "Should I worry about cigarette stub smoke, or the fire in the barn?"

With wisdom, she smiled, still focussed on the tea and said - "Neither. Or both. Depends on what bothers you. Does anything bother you?"

"Hmmm....I notice them both, but with a dispassionate eye - as if I am in a movie hall."

She turned off the flame, turned around and looked at me and said with infinite compassion, "Kanna, this too shall pass."

I looked at her eyes, directly. Long pregnant pause from both of us. She is and always has been excellent at reading conflict in others.

A good minute later, this eye-match-eye going on, and then she finally says "And? Still want the tea?"

I smile sheepishly. She walks to the side the kitchen counter and picks up the "fire extinguisher" and hands it over. "Has never been user in years. Might never work. Maybe this is what you need from me."

Guffaws and turns on the tea making again. Her back to me.

After what seems like minutes - I blurt - "Both the cigarette and the barn fire - I am the one who lit them." 

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