Wednesday, August 19, 2020

2889 : Passing Out (and thoughts just before it)

I searched quite a bit on google, but could not find a good post around what people feel just before they are experiencing a pass out.

I passed out today, my fifth time in the last decade. I remember every single time that has happened.

As the process of "awareness" dilutes and as the process of passing out starts (in what might be just a few seconds) - there is a stream of deep thoughts, very interesting, maybe even creative thoughts. This might be lasting a couple of seconds, but feels like a complete thought time - like feels like maybe 15 minutes. 

And then maybe in the 5th second (possibly), there is this tragic, almost desperate sense of loss....loss of control over these thoughts. These thoughts then begin to shape up on their own. Again this might be for a few seconds only (but feels like a complete quantum of time, say 15 minutes). 

And that feeling of losing control - is immensely scary, it actually completely freaks someone like me.

And you keep sinking further and further into the rabbit hole - at a frenetic pace, almost you being sucked in - before at some point your eyes open and the control slowly returns (post 1-2 seconds post-eye-opening).

What is this rabbit hole?

Is this the process of the brain shutting down (or starting its shut down routine).....only at 5 seconds post the shutdown start....some other neuron firing screaming "don't shut down, a false alarm".......

Feels exactly like that.

And every time I come out of an experience like that - I feel like I experienced what death might feel like. It's terrifying....and maybe that's what the Buddhists keep reminding us all along.

I could not find much around this on the net. Anyone researching on it? I am a willing subject....though I fear it immensely, I want to know more. I am intrigued.

One last thing, I realized it today, all my years of "preparing for death"  are wasted...totally.....I did not even pass kindergarten in that school. I know I am a sell-out :-).

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