Monday, April 27, 2020

2789 : What once was

I look at my life and see a long series of episodes. And I know I have at times gaslighted my own present.

And yet, I believe I have lived a very principled life. Never have I compromised on any value that is dear to me or my Buddhist roots (it's easy to call that out....and hence proxy my values....than list a long diatribe around values)

I have not done anything that I ever felt was wrong. Including being evil towards anyone. That would be bad karma in my book.

So would hurting someone. So would pulling the rug. I believe life is about making the most of what you can, from where you are, but by never ever shrugging off your core values.

You have to face every single misdemeanor at the hour of death.

Will I die with regrets? Some of course. Will I die with a blemished conscience? I hope not. I believe not.

And yet, in spite of all of these - I feel I have lost a lot....that perennial sense of having lost a lot.

What keeps me going on low days, is the fact that when I do die, I will be just like any other human being on this planet. Just another soul fading out. My life won't matter zilch.

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