Sunday, January 20, 2019

2451 : “Normal” and the flawed me : Aalorukkam

Watched a Malayalam film, Aalorukkum. The movie has a weak technical execution (just as an example - it makes you root for “no one” that’s weak), but the idea itself made me think. So what I mean is, I will not recommend this as a must watch, as a master class in movie making...but....worth a pause to think.

The movie focuses on two introspective elements - the solitude (and loneliness) of old age, and secondly, the challenge of being a transgender.

Both these elements made me really look within. More on the first aspect (loneliness) later.

The key issue is there is still very little acceptance for transgender individuals in the mainstream. Extrapolate this and I believe there is very little acceptance for anything out of the “normal” in the mainstream.

Like, for one, I do believe, that I am very accepting and even welcoming of off “normal” behaviours (as long as they are individual focussed, and dont bother others) I am welcoming....BUT....(a capital “but”)...what would my reaction be if my son or daughter becomes a transgender (or out of “normal” curve)? Especially if she/he/they are “out of the closet” too?

The honest answer is - I would struggle too. Let me explain. I would struggle not because I would not accept them, but I would struggle because I would be overwhelmed and almost vicariously feel the burden and shame they are going to experience in their lifetimes. And my ego (as in my attachment to them, considering them “mine”, “my” children) would implicitly make me experience just the same level of discomfort as they are everyday experiencing. It would potentially be a life of torment for them, and hence by induction, possibly for me too.

And as a parent (and a buddhist) both - I dont want anyone (including my children) to have been assailed so much - for something essentially that is an “individual” choice, not a “social drain”.

And not to forget, the human desire to either “fit” or “outperform” the normal curve. In everything we do, including fashion, music, living overall...almost all of us innately tend to clump towards the “normal”.

My thought (and self admission) left me slightly aghast. As in my thought, that I would also struggle with “transgender” children. It hurt my “liberal” image that I carry around me of myself....I realised that within the veneer of a forward looking human being, I am probably just as flawed and equally vulnerable (and falliable) in my desire for the “normal”.

Something to meditate upon, and hopefully give up on (I mean the desire for normal, is something like the ego....the ideal is the get it off the way).

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