1956 : Tomorrow never comes

I always find it fascinating when folks tell me something to the effect "let's do this (thing) tomo".

Now don't get me wrong, I am a hell of a procrastinator myself, but I procrastinate things for the following reasons :
- either I fear something
- or I am lazy
- or I don't want to do it
- or i don't care
- or I wish the thing would disappear

Now all of these reasons are terrible in the context of someone pushing to tomo, what's essentially an issue close and real for you.

Also I inherently am never really sure whether I shall see the sun tomo.

So much for fatalism.

1955 : Rhythm of the night

Waking up in the middle of the night and chugging away at my keypad, gives me immense peace. More than a million snores could ever do.

Sleep can wait. Eventually, we all have to fall asleep

1954 : My hands just felt like two balloons

If you have not heard the Van Morrison live version of “Comfortably Numb”, the one that is haunting played on the Departed soundtrack, then you should question whether you are really a Pink Floyd fan.

The child is grown
The dream is gone
I... Have become comfortably numb

1953 : Charmed circle

I got a call from someone, who quite genuinely seemed to point out that my blogs are insightful and sharp.

At one end of the spectrum, I felt my head bloat, as it always does, after a good clean pat on my pack….but at the other hand, I did want to remind him that there is very little insight to be gained from the journeys and travails of a flawed man….and hell no, I am neither being facetious or modest.

I am just calling the spade.

Insight. No. Voyeur. Maybe.

1952 : Eggciting

Here is what you do.

Take a big fat slice of bread, I mean gourmet of course, and not the industrial ones please.

If you are the one who like some grease (nothing wrong with that at all!!), rub some butter or olive oil on the top side.

Keep it in a pre-heated OTG for about 60 seconds, the bread does not toast yet, but the butter simmers.

Remove and break clean an egg on the top side. As quickly (and carefully) as you can – so as not to spill the liquid egg, put it back into the OTG.

If you like salt and pepper, remove the tray after another 60 seconds, by now the egg is viscous, sprinkle whatever you have to.

Back it goes into the OTG for another 2-3 mins…..and voila, this is one of my most satisfying ways of eating egg. The bread is crusty and toasted, the egg as always sunny side up, but reasonably well done.

Its fun, its appetizing and really simple.

1951 : What I call as me

My life is defined by a few trophies and symbols. Some physical, some in the air. The bike, the mother, the father, the car, my pen collection, my sisters, my huge lovely Buddha statue, Mira, my deep bond with Raavan, the spiritual connect with a Kundera or a Rushdie, adopted father figures in Dalai Lama and Alan Watts,…..get the drift?

What if, one by one, each of these was either lost or taken away, or simply died?

Or first questions first, what if, one of the more important ones, say my mother, and just that is gone?

Does that create a void?

Do I know how to fight such a cancer? Do I even want to exorcise that ghost?

How much of ME is really me, and how much of what I call as ME can survive isolated in ether? That’s really the question that I don’t have any easy answers to.

1950 : 60 seconds

Ever picture life like a series of crossroads? Almost like New York – an ever expansive criss cross of Streets and Avenues.

Now imagine driving through this Criss Cross at 100mph. What you are essentially doing is carrying the faith, that at the next crossroad, there shall be no snow mover and you won’t necessarily have to brake hard.

You continue doing this incessantly, until that one moment, when out of the corner of your eye, you detect for that fleeting moment, a yellow gaint snowmover thingy sweeping the tarmac, and before you can even beging to stress your ABS, your vehicle is turtle, and quite literally , your whole world is upside down.

With the faint glimmer of hope that always keeps us alive, you can still feebly move. With that last reserve of energy, you wriggle and slither out of this upside down world…to rudely find that, just like you many other dopes are also compulsively doing 100mph, and unfortunately, one of them, a blinded speed demon of a Schumacher, does not see you on time, hammers his hoary Humvee into you….smothers you to atoms and turtles himself.

You are now well and truly gone, whats residually left of you is just a statistic, and all it took for your journey from Roaring Rob to a rumbling relic “whose soul may rest in peace”, was just under 60 seconds.

Is this just another cryptic analogy, or ….?

Pause.

1949 : Zen no more

I usually pride myself that I have a very zen like approach to everyday life. Very few occurrences, if any fluster me. Today, the straw finally broke my back. I could see my practiced calm gone, and every single aspect getting to me....including times when my friend Raavan was being a sore. The equilibrium is not hard to get back, if you know exactly what you have lost. In my case, I am unsure. The times and life of Joseph K :-)

1948 : The new whiplash

When the most exciting part of your day is driving through Bangalore traffic, its time to find a Bodhi tree.

Looking for one

1947 : Tired

On a day like today, I realize how emotionally sapping the whole day job is. I am tired, happy to be home early, a few more hours of office calls and then I am off into silence.

Fatigue this early in the year is the doppelganger of personal drought

It is the year of freedom Look at the post number.

1946 : Good Samaritans

I recently needed some cash urgently. I called up someone who I know and consider my friend. I conveyed the problem to him.

He did not ask me any question, instead apologized for not having cash at hand, but promised to lend me 3 days later, which he very promptly did.

I found the whole gesture very thoughtful and extremely kind. This one story, goes to hope and goodness which still exist and continue to overwhelm the world.

Thank you good soul

1945 : Why bike at all?

Why would you bike in a city like Bangalore, when you can afford safer ways to travel. I don't have an easy answer, except that biking really gets me peaceful. Maybe it's just the better connect with the Tarmac, or maybe being aware of the loud world around passing by or maybe, it's just "aloneness". In my latest biking avatar....I just do it for the love of it. I have always said driving (cars) is my urban meditation. Biking is the same, just a more potent dose. I have now finished 250km on my new obsession. This year is already turning out to be great :-)

1944 : Add luxury to your leaving

This one is hilarious, unless there is a deeper philosophical context about “inheritance” and “heirloom”, that I am not getting clued onto.

From Bangalore’s TOI property section dated 12th Jan 2013.

 

1943 : To bee or not to bee

Hope you like these snaps…..had a sting and honey clicking them

1942 : The seven notes of Raavan :-)

Raavan is getting ravenous into experiencing new music.

His current favorites include:

1) Maula Maula Lakh Pukhare by Faiz Ahmed
2) Maula Maula from Delhi 6
3) Allah ke Bande by Kailash Kher
4) Choral edition of Beethoven’s 9th
5) Summertime rocks by Dhruv Ghanekar and Kailash Kher
6) Dum Mast Qalandar by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Michael Brooks
7) Allah Mohammed Char Yaar by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and party
8 ) Allah Hoo by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and party
9) Aadha hai chandrama raat aadhi from Navrang
10) Maine Poocha Chand Se by Rafi
11) Aane Wala Pal from Golmaal
12) Hero by Mariah Carey with Placido Domingo

Eclectic, eh?

1941 : I am sorry that I have given you constipation :-)

Continuing from my previous post, Outlook is notorious. If for any reason, you mistype inconvenience, it shall invariably autocorrect it to “incontinence”.

…and “regret the incontinence caused”, does not sound a nice way to say sorry at all

1940 : I hate you inspite of your terse skills :-)

Picture this.

I am part of an apartment mailgroup which includes a whole host of folks who occupy the various houses.

Yesterday, two gents started sparring over an issue. It all started when Gent B dropped a note to Gent A, accusing him of rudeness to the building’s janitor staff, and demanded an immediate apology.

Gent A on the other hand, was all morally uptight, and took the stand that Gent B was “pre-judging” him without having heard the other side of the story. He also felt that Gent B was being very quick to reach a conclusion.

Get the drift, so far? Now, even without other frills (proceeding on from here), two folks sparring is always so entertaining. Its such a pleasure to revel in the moment, and see a real fight, where you are not involved . But, read on, the best is yet to come.

Now as part of the uptightness, Gent A wrote to Gent B, and I reproduce verbatim :

“My sincere suggestion to you is to speak / investigate with both the parties before you send such mails. Let me tell you, I am not at all bothered because of your mail. If at all this mail shows something then it displays the judgmental nature of those who send such mails to public forum and I am no one to stop you on this. Please stick to your conciseness and do what you feel right.”

I am assuming, English grammar errors not withstanding, the last sentence meant “conscience” and not “conciseness”. The whole mail is full of such gaffes, but this one is the best.

What mirth

1939 : Wah wah…you perform well!

On the flight, this super suede (an IIT lingo for phony sophistication) babe sits next to me. She speaks in an evidentally fake accent (neither here nor there....the kind that exclaims....how churrrming!!), has a double chin, and is talking on an Iphone. In her conversation, she kept using the word "performance".

"I really like to see others perform."
"I like to think about the poetry and grace of a performance."
"Nothing better than to coach someone deliver a stellar perfomance."
"He?....Oh, he performed like a bulldog"(Seriously,she said that!!)

Now, I dont know about any of you....but in the past few years, the perverted me, has stopped using "perform" as a verb in regular English. I only use "perfom" to describe someone's scorecard on the bed....on how well is the coupling gymnastics.

If it is not was as sterile an environment as the airplane, maybe I would have rationalised this as phone sex!!

1938 : Forgive him he is one amongst us

Now of course the whole nation is rising up in indignation against Asaramji for saying some really ridiculous things about the Delhi gang rape victim. What did he say
1) The girl should have chanted Saraswati Mantra, that would have definitely saved her.
2) Of the 6 rapists, the girl should have made one of them her brother, telling him to accept her as his "religious sister" and then she could have told her brother to save her from the others. (Or some convoluted shit like that...)

He did say a few other things. But get the drift? What he said was plain stupid and naive.

I repeat his view was a little stupid and naive. On a related note :
1) We believe in a God outside ourselves.
2) We believe in a GodMan who thinks he can connect us to this "external God".
3) We believe in a media circus that treates the GodMan seriously.
4) We believe what we need to rise in indignation in unision with this narcissistic media circus.

What do points 1-4 make us. Stupid and naive.

If I have still not gotten you on my side....then I would like to add that a whole lot of yuppie Indians believe that a candlelight vigil, will stop crimes against women....whilst we continue to live in a society that has still not learned to treat their own kids and elders with love and caring.

Welcome to lala land, we just love to chomp bananas.

1937 : Another brilliant copy writer

This is the ad for Pai Electronics in Bangalore. If you can’t read the red bit I have circled….then it reads as

Pai Scores Over a Century in the Field of Transparency

1936 : Load it up

I was reading a copy of Loaded (Sept 2012)….what!!….yes I still read Loaded, Maxim and FHM whenever I can. I think these are honest, brutally funny, in your face Men’s magazines. GQ is a little wimpy, and MW (man’s world) gets very intellectual. Loaded is the best one in the wicked business, they are really really sharp.

This issue had quotes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I particularly liked this one from Adam Hess (its unbelievably cheeky).

“I call Edinburgh Cher, because its not fucking Sonny.”

1935 : Lal Singh Dil (Just a thought)

Another fantastic poem from the same collection. This one is titled Just a thought.

Forlorn, I contemplate
a single thought :
that your oiled hair
would bring me salvation…..

1934 : Lal Singh Dil (Caste)

I have been reading quite a bit of Lal Singh Dil translated by Nirupama Dutt. And some of the poems are really stark and lucid, something I have always liked in a poem…the jolt. Here is one from that collection called Caste.

You love me, do you?
Even though you belong
to another caste,
But do you know,
our elders do not
even cremate their dead
at the same place.

1933 : Ma, I had flunked in my 5th class English

This is a quarter page from front page of TOI today. This is the way I guess the ad was meant to sound:

In 2013, I promise to  stop habits like smoking  and chewing tobacco, instead (I will) switch to Nicorette so that I can kick habits which I (presumably) want to get rid of. Fair enough?

Now read carefully and unless my English is feeble, this is how it actually sounds:

In 2013, I promise to stop smoking. If I don’t quit smoking (for my own bloody well reasons), then I am most definitely going to start chewing tobacco from tomorrow. And it says it twice (read fineprint below as well).

The ad copy guy should be fired, it has to be a guy (and not a girl) who can be so shabby for a first page ad in TOI. I have to include my favorite peeve into this post as well , this is what phooking phasebook does to our collective use of the English language.

The Mayans are dead, long live the Morons.

1932 : What would Buddha do?

Say the Buddha is sitting on the Moon and meditating. From where he is sitting he can see an asteroid racing towards the earth, and which shall most definitely spin us into total annihilation.

If he jumps and tries to stop the asteroid, his physical body is still puny to register even a microcosmic impact onto the missile….which means his effort shall be a waste, he shall go kaput with the rest of the earth.

On the other hand, if he just sits and watches in his Zazen pose, he would die another day, but would know that he did not try and save his fellow men?

What would the Compassionate one in his infinite wisdom do?