Monday, October 18, 2010

1294 : Time and tide across a lost river

Life changes. I had a career defining moment in Sep 2008, then I had a life changing one in Sep 2010.

The river flows…the stream never runs thin.

When I look back I do have a slight bit of regret for the loss of Sep 2008, a weak heart that goes “what if” – the work place today would look so different….but then thats it…thats just a tad little bit.

On the other hand, what I keep incessantly hammering myself….to a point, that I am still not over it (at all)….is what happened after that….for a year and a half after that I chose the “easy” and so very obviously wrong option. I wasted my time, I bled myself to multiple aneurysms. Seriously I was all so very mucked and fucked up. The frog in a wishy washy well, that was drying up so very quickly.

Today, 6 months after a proposed course correction, I look back with “deep regret” at those times. I should not have been tempted by the easy, should have moved in for the kill earlier. That bit of momentum loss, that bit of loss of focus, that bit of momentary lapse of reason – possibly separates a rock star and a watered down wimpy supernova– a Tendulkar vs a Lara.

A Tendulkar is a series of carefully chosen right steps. A Lara is a few genuine mis-steps. An Yuvraj is what happens when the only few good steps in your life are the ones that happened by accidents.

I will probably choke myself to death over selling my marco for a few micro dollars. Never has been this reality so harsh, than today, when the frog has been out of the well for the past 6 months. The future looks bleak, the past looks a miserable harakiri….but then like Lara, maybe the 400 is just around the corner.

To know that the chips are down(again), makes me smile at life again. The battle lines are drawn in the sand. Waiting for the tide to come cross it.

As Dickens would say “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

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