Tuesday, May 11, 2010

1120 : MOST Useful advice to all my dear terrorist friends out there :-)

This story comes straight from the hip of my firm’s chief security officer. So recently in our SEZ (business park) the central security (provided by the SEZ) started scanning cars entering the complex (supposedly in response to 26/11 and other blasts).

I go through this thoroughly idiotic procedure every morning, knowing fully well that it does not even make me even a cent safer than I am otherwise. It just serves to waste my 5 minutes daily.

Their rigmarole drill :-
1. Halt car.
2. Shove mirror under bonnet.
3. Check boot (it does not matter what you have there, unless its fuming and already radioactive…)
4. Let car pass.

So coming back to the story from the CSO. Supposedly he has the following conversation with one of the security gaurds a few days ago, repeated almost verbatim. Read on.

(Guard halts CSO’s car and shoves mirror under the bonnet.)

CSO : So what are you checking for under the hood.
Guard : We are looking for BOMBS, sir.
CSO : So do you know what a possible bomb looks like.
Guard (sheepishly) : Yes, sir, we are trained.
CSO : and???
Gaurd : We have been asked to look out for a red colored bundle/box.
CSO (almost laughing his heart out) : Is that it?
Guard : ….and….it will have the word ATOM written on it.

(spare a thought that ATOM (hee haw!!) will be in reverse when seen in the mirror!!)

So, in conclusion, my dear terrorist friends, no matter what your cause, or ethnic origin, if you decide to blow up a business park in India – here’s some friendly advice – don’t color code your bomb RED, and please don’t write ATOM on it – either in straight or reverse face. If you follow these simple rules, ye shall be successful in deporting us lesser mortals “shred by shred” to hell.

Thank you, folks :-)

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iAlien said...

A car in front of me carried a GAs cylinder into the office premisis. Security saw it, checked it and said Pass. irony is, what are they looking for?
As said, bombs with ATOM on them or bombs that really explode?
wonder how far are we from safety... :)

Anonymous said...

There was a famous incident some years ago where this journalist asked a security guard what he was looking for and he replied "I dont know. We have just been asked to check".

That being said - these checks are not with the intention of finding bombs or anything but rather for creating that little bit of doubt in the mind of any potential attacker. We know its ridiculous but....

Boom! said...

Bah, that's nothing...a car in front of me once carried a tankful of highly inflammable gasoline and the security guy did not say a word! In fact, it was already exploding thousands of times every minute, and yet, the guard stayed mum about it!!!!