Sunday, October 19, 2008

Post 425 : Mehfil ki tanhayeee

I was at a party recently (more actually a small get together) to celebrate. I sat down and ate light, but had 5-6 glasses of various wines and champagne.

But that is besides the point....

As I sat on the carpet and quaffed down a few sips of wine, I felt completely out of place in the crowd. So?

Its just that, this is how I seem to be. I hate social dos and more than a few- people in a room makes me cringe. All my life (since childhood) I have nudged, avoided, flowed around the need to attend weddings, celebrations....I am not comfortable with them at all.

Why?

I dont have an easy answer. Its a combination of things - but most importantly for some reason, I feel that at times like these my personal space is most vulnerable.

Am I queer?

Of course, to hell, I know I am. Am I going to change? Not sure. I have lived with this dysfunctional aspect for long enough to be used to it.

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