Sunday, February 10, 2008

Post 368 : Movie Quotes - The Departed (Billy is inducted as the mole)

QUEENAN You can sit.

QUEENAN (CONT'D) Do you know what we do here? My section?

BILLY Sir, yes, sir, I have an idea...

SGT. DIGNAM Whoa, let’s say you have no idea and leave it there. No idea. Zip, none. If you had an idea about what we do we would not be good at what we do. We would be cunts. Are you
calling us cunts?

QUEENAN (not looking up from papers) Staff Sergeant Dignam has a style of his own. I'm afraid we all have to deal with it.

SGT. DIGNAM (getting to business, hard) You have family connections down in Southie. Through your father. Tell us about your uncle Jackie.

BILLY Uncle Jackie was a carpet layer for Jordan Marsh.

SGT. DIGNAM Uncle Jackie was a small-time bookie who tended bar at the Vets in Somerville.
He got popped by Nicastro in '95. They found his body out by the airport.

BILLY That's right. (tightly) I remember his funeral.

SGT. DIGNAM (cruelly) Closed casket?

BILLY That's right.

SGT. DIGNAM You tell anybody at Deerfield -that is, before you got kicked out for whaling on a gym teacher with a folding chair - you had an uncle met his demise like that?

BILLY says nothing. Eyes luminous.

SGT. DIGNAM (CONT'D) I got a question. How fucked up are you?

SGT. DIGNAM Let's look at the rest of the family tree. Your maggot uncle Tommy Costigan--he's another goof-- got busted selling guns to federal officers. Among many, many, many other departures from, ah, "normative behavior".

BILLY What's this got to do with me?

SGT. DIGNAM Why are you pretending to be a cop?

DIGNAM Your old man was a hump from Southie. Baggage-handler at the airport. Family's all criminals except your old man.

BILLY And one priest. Since you seem to know everything.

DIGNAM I ain't sure about him, either. Last I heard he was happily married to a 12 year old boy and living on a beach in Thailand. Family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Lifers down there. Three decker men at best. You grew up, however, up the North shore. La di (fuckin') da.

DIGNAM (CONT'D) You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? One kid with your old
man. One kid with your mother. Upper middle class in the week, and then dropping your 'r's and hanging in the Southie projects with daddy the donkey on the weekends. I got that right?

SGT. DIGNAM You have different accents? You did, didn't you. (You little fuckin' snake.) You were different fuckin’ people.

BILLY You a psychiatrist?

SGT. DIGNAM If I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making thirty grand a year. And I think if I were Sigmund fucking Freud himself I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties?

BILLY Well. Families are always rising or falling in America. Am I right?

QUEENAN (appreciative, kindly, looking up from his papers) Who said that?

BILLY Hawthorne.

DIGNAM What’s the matter, smartass? You don’t know any fuckin’ Shakespeare?

QUEENAN We have a question. You want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop. It's an honest question. Lot of guys want to appear to be cops. Gun. Badge. Pretend they're on TV...

SGT. DIGNAM A lot of em just want to slam a nigger’s head through a plate glass window.

BILLY I’m all set without your personal job application, Sergeant.

DIGNAM (after a "we got a live one" glance at Queenan) What the fuck did you say to me,

BILLY Sir, with all due respect, sir, what is it you want from me?

DIGNAM Hey asshole, he can’t help you. I know what you are, and what you aren't. I'm the best friend you ever had on the face of the earth. I'm gonna help you understand something: You're no fuckin' cop.

QUEENAN He's right. (Billy looks at Queenan) We deal in deceptions here. But what we don’t deal with is self deception. In five years, you might be anything else in the world, but you won't be a Massachusetts State trooper.

BILLY You sure of that?

QUEENAN I'm sure of that.

DIGNAM Guaranteed.

QUEENAN (looking up from his papers) You don't have much family.

BILLY (deciding this on the spot) I don't have any family.

BILLY So what do I do?

QUEENAN During the war, Churchill used river mines. He'd float them down the rivers into Germany. They'd either hit something, or not. That's what we’ll use you for. I'll float you down the river. The rest will happen. Or it won't...
By the way, this isn't police work for peanuts. There's money behind this operation. You won't be paid as a cop, but there is a bonus involved. Tax free.

DIGNAM Luck of the Irish. All that and you're still young enough to fuck undergraduates.

QUEENAN We can't conceal that you've been a trainee. You'll be convicted of a crime. We're thinking that a guilty plea to assault and battery might make sense.

DIGNAM Given your nature.

QUEENAN You'll serve enough jail time to convince anyone that it's no setup. You'll be on probation. The whole nine yards.

DIGNAM I need you, pal. You've already pretended to be a Costigan from South Boston.

BILLY Every weekend...Sergeant.

DIGNAM Perfect.

QUEENAN Do it again. For me.

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