Saturday, February 27, 2021

3105 : My new content poison is podcasts

Love the format.

Love the conversation. 

Love the long lazy podcasts. 

I struggle to now find time to hear podcasts because I am usually working all the time. And I cannot work and listen to podcasts at the same time.

Need to hack that habit in :-)

Coming soon a list of podcasts I love. 

3104 : This blog 2

On the other hand, I do get some fab comments and conversations with friends based on posts here.

And those are most welcome. 

Open to a debate. Always. Always :-).

And if you can help me bend my framework, even better. 

Bring it on. 

There is no meaning in this life - without knowing the "meaning" itself....and possibly sometimes to find the "right question".

We all know the answer, its "42", now lets find the right question to ask.

Bring the conversation on.

3103 : This blog

Ha ha :-)

This blog has given me more than my share of conflict and judgments. (I mean passed upon me).

I get beaten by folks who read this :-)

Don't misunderstand me. This blog is me. But its a sliver of me. And this blog is/was never meant to cast judgments on others. At best I sometimes have some wicked/evil humor.....but I dont think I have ever launched a mean-spirited attack on anyone/anything....including anything political.

And yet the grief I get on various items on this blog is almost funny.

And it's not trolling, because that would be funny.

This is serious philosophical mindfk :-(

This blog is nothing more than a journal to one day show my daughter - how broken (and possibly human) her dad was. 

This is a blog with an intended audience of "1" and that's her.


3102 : Have been struggling

With a lot of work and possibly a slightly broken spirit.

One goal is to come back and write (often).


Sunday, February 21, 2021

3101 : My mood today is...

 Ranjish hi sahi, dil hi dukhane ke liye aa...

Sunday, February 14, 2021

3099 : A cup of tea

A cup of tea. Pause. Deep reflection. What I see is the blurred grey.

3098 : The drill

For the past 2 weeks, or so, all I have done is woken up....gone for a walk....and then worked till late night.

Eat. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.

While its easy to rationalize this, as a blip, its harder when you know  - you are working on solving difficult problems.

It takes a toll.

I have missed tons of emails, calls, smses.....which is all long as this counts.

That's the post.

Sunday, February 07, 2021

3097 : Bad...

I was at the gym yesterday and it has fab acoustics.

And the DJ (who comes on some days) knows me well. So to surprise me (pleasantly) he decided to play some retro music. 

And one of the songs he played was "Bad" by Michael Jackson.

And I was torn....completely. Its the first English Pop song that I ever heard. So it has a special place. And I love that song.

But I was torn....due to "Finding Neverland" and what it means for the artist. I don't feel comfortable supporting artists - who have committed grave crimes.

My moral compass is limited and I have very few rules.....but I try and hold them sacrosanct.

And MJ broke at least one of them, if not more.

Torn....unable to distinguish between the art and the artist.

3096 : Once again....

I am struggling to write.

Too many thoughts, too many fears, too much work, and just plain distracted.

I intend to start with a series around long essays or have been meaning to for some time.

But am very far from that yet.

Losing steam, a day at a time.

Friday, February 05, 2021

3095 : Always liked Michael Brook the musician

Especially because of his collab with NFAK (Ustad Nusrat).

Have been listening to the rest of his work on Spotify and the contemplative music is all I need for times like today.

The stereo recordings are of fab quality. You can feel the music travel across the room.

(Or is it my fancy ear buds.....)

3094 : God on Trial

 “At the trial of God, we will ask: why did you allow all this?

And the answer will be an echo: why did you allow all this?”

— Ilya Kaminsky, Deaf Republic

(found via a twitter/medium blogpost)

Friday, January 29, 2021

3093 : Vengeful nihilism

From NYT today

The result, Mr. Gurri writes, is a kind of vengeful nihilism, an urge to burn down the establishment without a clear sense of what’s supposed to replace it.

Thursday, January 28, 2021

3092: Multitudes

Martin Heidegger said, " every man is born as many men and dies as a single one."

Monday, January 25, 2021

3090: Bravery by Bjork

 "Bravery is this gut feeling to not

coagulate or crystalize but to stay liquid." - Björk

(came in via twitter)

Sunday, January 24, 2021

3089: Anamolies

The water that homes in to thrist

From a Ranjit Hoskote poem

3088 : Ranjish hi Sahi

aa phir se mujhe chod ke jaane ke liye aa


What poetry !!

3087 : How do I tell my son about magic?

How do I convey to my son, that when he grows up and does not have familiarity with Faridda Khannum's Dil Jalane Ki Baat Karte Ho.......he is missing the simplest example of what human greatness looks like.

The voice, the lyrics, and just the complete immersion.....and the tabla in the background :-).

3086 : Run like Hell by Royal Philharmonic Orchestra (Pink Floyd)

Listening to Run Like Hell, by Royal Philharmonic at full blast is as much fun as we adults are allowed to have :-).


Saturday, January 23, 2021

3085 : Cheri Cheri Lady by Modern Talking

Of course, I am from the 80s and I love this song.

But modern versions of this song (covers) play a slightly faster tempo, and I cannot ever get used to it.

As a child when I first heard this, I realized that the chord tempo is actually a tad bit slow (there must a reason for it), but now that tempo is baked into my brain. The new faster tempo (probably the correct tempo), but just jars.

Amazing how the brain works :-). Even rationalizes slightly wrong art.

3084 : Simply the best by Tina Turner

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire

You come to me, come to me wild and wild

This song never fails to move me. It has a lovely larger than life feel to it. Like this song could fit any greatness. E.g India's win over Australia recently.
Imagine playing this as the title credits roll, and the commentators shut shop. See the effect? Agree with me? 

Its a bit like "Everyone wants to rule the world" by Tears for Fears. I can never listen to the song, without thinking of Wayne Rainey. Posted on that earlier 

3083 : Its not me.

 It's very easy to confuse an author with her book. Actually not "confuse" but "conflate". 

And yet, it happens all the time. Individuals are conflated with their work. As an example, (and I know I will get trolled for it), but there is a good chance, that Amit Shah is a good family man, maybe a very warm family man.....and not the hardnosed strategist that we see of him every day.

I get my posts in my blog often leading to assumptions of how I am. This blog is my journal. Its a window to my self, but just a sliver of it. Essentially written so that my daughter can use this as a growing up guide when she reaches her twenties.

I want her to know that her dad was fallible and yet keen-minded. 

And yet, at least 3-4 times in a month - I correct someone about an assumption they made about me.

This is me, but this is not "all of me". I am much much more than this blog. Much more layered than this unidimensional blog can ever be.

Final words. Learn more about me from here. Do bring it up, especially if we have common interests (Jazz, classical, whatever :-)). Make some assumptions about me, that is fine too....But.....Totally conflating this (blog) with me assures me that you are inherently either lazy or quick to judge or both. 

Don't be lazy :-). Grab for me a drink. I shall show you the real me, make it worth your while. Always open.

Saturday, January 16, 2021

3082 : When the demons dance

When the demons come out and dance, it's kind of weird. It feels like you are bottled in, when actually you have lots of company (demons), who you have been indoctrinated to not touch with a barge pole (as if they fking care!!).

Open you arms, play Erik Satie, and waltz with the winter. They like to play. Toss the coin for them. Help them have fun. Be the umpire. 

It will never be Brisbaine, but it sure reduces the pain :-).

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

3081 : Reading list 2021 : #1 : Sum by David Eagleman

What a cracking start to reading in 2021. I finished Sum by David Eagleman, easily one of the best books I have read in my life.

Easily. As I always rate good books (with a false flourish) 18/10. About 40 small stories. Each story made me think, made me smile and made me realise how little I know. These are all stories of the afterlife.

Very Buddhist or so I thought. One of the keeps. I would probably read this book again very often. 

Read it and be mildly enlightened. Almost in a Zen way. Its bit like Zen Koans.

At 130 pages brings my 2021 total to 130 pages.

BTW, by the same author I love Incognito and am currently reading Livewired.

Images from Tumblr

3081 : What makes us (and hence breaks us) - I mean "us" in plural

Trust. Respect. Understanding. Space. Compassion

Just that. In no order.

Love and care are natural fallouts of this continuum. Applies to our dog, spouses, children and parents.

Just that. And yet, none of it ever seems to be easy or work.

3080 : Intoxicated by NFAK

 One of my all time fav songs.....lyrics from hindgeetmala

jhumta aa raha hai kyu baadal
jhumta aa raha hai kyu baadal
jhumta aa raha hai kyu baadal
ye bhi shayad koi sharabi hai
chaal mastana, chaal mastana
najar gulabi hai
chaal mastana najar gulabi hai

jaam jisne utha liya hai fana
jaam jisne utha liya hai fana
jaam jisne utha liya hai fana
uski kismat me kaamyabi hai
chaal mastana, chaal mastana
najar gulabi hai
chaal mastana najar gulabi hai

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

3079: What if ?

Instead of loving and then marrying, we married and then loved.
Instead of being born, and then dying, we died and then were born.
Instead of fighting and making up, we make up and then fought.
Instead of being happy young, and grumpy old, we were grumpy old first and then happy young.

Most of life is a cycle if you examine it this way. Just that it's taken me a full life to see it that way.

3078: My fish has a tumor

 A 3-year-old goldfish has a large tumor for the past 3 months and is dying. Have been taking extra care of it.......but....

Not a complaint.

No existential decadence.

No chemotherapy.

No escaping the pain.

No jumping off the edge.

No self-pity.

There is so much I can learn from this tiny fish. And that means karma is a regressive cycle. The most devolved become humans and not the other way around.

3077 : Dil Jalane ki Baat karto ko by Ali Sethi (Farida ji we still love you immensely) from "The Reluctant Fundamentalist"

 Smoldering song :-)

Listen to the film version, even better.

3076 : Taking the edge off

When you drink to take the edge off (more and more often), you know something is in a spiral :-).

These are the days, the best days of our life :-)

3075 : Listening to Yaariyaran (by Hari and Sukhmani)

 Sets the mood for the day and it's funny how music knows exactly how you are feeling inside.

A fab Sufi song, I am also searching for my infinite. Esp on a day like today.

This is what I want to do when I grow up :-). I want to jam :-)

The joy in the video is so infectious :-)

Tuesday, January 05, 2021

3073 : Arturo Sandoval with Ariane Grande and Will Pharell

I am sure I have posted on this before.

But one listen to this song is enough keep your grooving all through the night. Hippest funky music you might have ever heard.

3072 : Mana ke hum pyaar nahin....(from meri Pyari Bindu) by Parineeti Chopra

Am I the only one who loves this song, and esp Parineeti's voice?

I love this song. She has such an authentic ring. Give me her anyday over a trained singer for a song like this.

3071 : Tu chal by Amitabh Bachchan (from Pink)

I have posted about this recently. Listening to this on repeat.

Something in Amitabh's voice moves me immensely. Almost as if he were an opera singer.

I want to be like him if I live to be 78.

Lots of respect. Its easy to hate him, but I see him for what he is - a flawed fighter.

My namesake !!

Sunday, January 03, 2021

3069 : 2021 will be a long year

I know that 2021 will be a very long year. A part of me is overwhelmed by that prospect, while another is looking fwd to taking it on the chin.

I now have a double chin :-)

3068 : Reading Room Summary 2020

I struggled to read in 2020. I have over 30 books unfinished at a reading % of 20-50%.

Its been hard to focus on reading or knowing more about the world around me when the first thing in 2020 was boredom, tiredness, and just a general sense of lethargy. It did not help that work continued to clock 50-60 hrs on a consistent basis.

I finished 2020 with 22 books spanning 7166 pages 

Vs 2019 with 29 books and 5177 pages. 

Vs 2018 was 35 books with 10816 pages. 

This year 2021 hope to hit 10000 pages again.

3067 : Reading list 2020: #23: A crown of thorns (about Coronavirus) by Kalpish Ratna

Ishrat Syed and Kalpana Swaminathan (as a duo) became Kalpish Ratna. I quite admire their books and their style of writing. 

I especially liked their latest book on Coronavirus (A crown of thorns), it does get quite technical - but it's a lovely read - involving common sense, science, ecology, and just the future of humanity.

About 8/10. Do read :-)

Images from BusinessLine and Manorama

 At 279 pages brings my 2020 reading to 7166 pages. And that ends my 2020 reading journey.

3066 : From Killer

Tainted hearts, heal with time

Shoot bad love, so we can
Stop the bleeding, yeah...

3065 : Eric Clapton

 I am an avowed Eric Clapton fan.

And then this happens. Link here.

I am torn. In all transactions I believe, neither he is right nor I am wrong.....but something seems amiss.

Mr. Clapton just probably lost a fan. But to him, and his legend, it wont matter at all.

Something in my is stifled. Some voice, which is neither spoken nor heard.

3064 : Weight and TM by Jerry Seinfeld

I do one half of this. The other half I HAVE to start in 2021 :-).


Snippet From

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld believes there are just two healthy habits that “could solve just about anyone’s life”: Transcendental Meditation and weight training, he said during a recent episode of the podcast, “The Tim Ferriss Show.”

Seinfeld, 66, explained that incorporating these techniques into his routine have helped him stay productive, focused and creative throughout his career. Here’s what you need to know about weight training and Transcendental Meditation

3063 : What is design?

Loved this quote. 

Design is not artDesign is utilitarian. Art is useful, but not utilitarian.” “If you can design one thing, you can design everything.”

By Massimo Vignelli

Saturday, January 02, 2021

3062 : Sexism @ Netflix

 On the poster of Heroes - of the lead 4 actors. One of them is missing. And its a "she".

She is one of the best rally drivers the world has ever seen.

Michele Mouton's name is missing :-)

So much for an equalist society :-).

3061 : Background score masterclass (from Criminal series on Netflix)

 The background score on the Netflix series Criminal is a masterclass of how simple (surreal) sounds can help setup the complete mood.

Love it completely. Totally awed by it.

I someday really want to be part of such a creative process. The person(s) including the director who worked on the framing of the music, must be inspired.

I yearn for that intellectual sparring. For that fun and the process of building something together.

3060: Heroes (racing veterans) on netflix.

Easily one of the most watchable series on Netflix. 
Humane. And adorable for fans of racing. Each one of the four racers is so endearing. (Formula 1 world champion Mika Häkkinen, former Ferrari F1 driver – Felipe Massa, nine-time Le Mans winner Tom Kristensen and World Rally Championship runner-up Michèle Mouton.)
Definitely worth a watch.
Shows us personal greatness is human and if we don't chase it, it's us, each of us that is the loser.
Watch it and be humbled by four of the greatest racers in the world.
We all have cracks. Embrace them.

Debuts near the bottom on my overall list.

3059: Loved Ak Vs Ak on netflix

Anurag Kashyap is such a fine actor. My second movie with him as an actor. Saw a Tamil movie where he is the villain. (Imaikkaa nodigal)
I love TV when it is well written. This is full of references and self goals 😀
Loved it totally. Absolutely worth a watch.
Harshvardhan Kapoor is someone to watch out for. I loved his cameo. 

Debuts well on my overall list

3058: Recency bias Criminal series on Netflix

Finished my second run (of watching the entire series).
I love this series. Have seen all 3 (country versions) and two seasons for UK. 
Just love the writing. Easily one of the best writing and acting on television. 

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

3057 : Tere bin dil nahin lagda dolna

That's the post :-)

A loud overwhelming feeling.

3056 : Longing by NFAK and Michael Brook

Listening to "Longing" from the Night Song album by Ustad Nusrat FAK and Michael Brook. I have heard this for over 23 years. I still have two copies of the CD :-).

Will remain one of my all-time favorites.

Watch the video. You will fall in love with NFAK and Pakistan too. Such a similar culture....its foolish to be thwarting them away. Their music is ours too, their food is ours too.

3055 : A blessed life

 In recent weeks have watched two movies with older actors. "AK vs AK" and "The Midnight Sky", and I loved Anurag Kashyap, Anil Kapoor, and George Clooney.

Also as I saw the movies, I realized how blessed these souls might be. Not at all because of their monies or wealth, but because of their intellectual curiosity, their passion for life....and just having so many folks in life to intellectually spar with.


3054 : Take stands

In recent weeks, one of my fav authors Meena Kandaswamy is being trolled on Twitter, and I know she is on the "correct" side. My heart beats with her.

And in these days, moments I want to take sides. I want to take stands.


I also know that taking sides in a battle of empty gunshots - is nothing more than flag signaling. Means nothing, will never mean anything.


3053 : Shiny happy people

I sometimes hit the gym (I know that sounds like a hippo who says he does 400m slapdash on the Olympic pool....oxymorons exist....esp in 2020 :-))

And I am fascinated to see young individuals and young couples. Everyone wearing "under armor", extremely fit, always focussed with their protein drink in their shaker. Laughing, joking, flirting with each other.

I feel very out of place - as this pudgy potbellied, double-chinned white-haired geek. 

And in those moments I feel very introspective. Have I been chasing the wrong things in life all along?

Is the purpose of this life to achieve something - or to experience something?

Both of these don't have to be always in the crosshairs, but most often they are.

I truly meditate on what life is, on what it could be, and what it should be.

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

3052 : Rise by Herb Alpert

 Rise by Herb Alpert is a composition that I truly love. 

I am listening to it, as I write this.

Love the way it uplifts (my) mood.

If I could ever create a legacy like this for the universe, I would be truly proud of myself. 

3052 : 2021 and listening

 Another pseudo resolution will listen to a lot more Jazz, and a whole lot of classical music.


That's the post.

Monday, December 28, 2020

3051 : 2021 and reading

 2020 has been hard on me. A lot of critical relationships are breaking down, my own sense of purpose is sometimes on the edge.....and I realized how little I know of the world around me.

I don't make resolutions or am wise enough to know how symbolic that nonsense can be.

But if there were one, it's about reading.....I want to read more and more.

I want to look inward more and more. Like a tortoise who withdraws into his shell.

3050 : Embers

 I am struggling immensely with personal disruptions. Whenever my rhythm is lost, I lose my glide path, and coming back to it - takes an effort. 

Silence and alcohol helps :-)

3049 : Ask the horse

 Came in via twitter, but loved it enough to post around it.

Roughly translated as

"Dont ask the ironsmith, how it feels to taste (deal with) iron,

Instead ask the horse, who bites the (iron) harness and is controlled by it."

3048 : In the air tonight

 I borrow the title from the Phil Collin's classic :-).

I recently drove about 1300 kms and about 27 hrs in a span of 3 living days. Driving clears my mind. But as it clears the mind, it also brings to the foreground long-suppressed emotions, clarity, and wisdom. And then it becomes a duel between my urban self which is carefully caricatured versus my raw self which is just me.

Travel especially long-haul flights or long drives always upset my tip-toe balance. And it feels like (almost always) that the house that Jack built might come crashing down.

Almost always I tell myself, that maybe next time I should not undertake these long drives, but I know it's a drug that I need to get high on.

It's my urban meditation.

Monday, December 21, 2020

3047 : How to get groovy on any day

 Choose your fav soundstage. Marshall is my poison. (I love Marshall because it is balanced on the tinny trebly side, and I can hear different instruments and voices.....also the spatial geometry is great)

And load up Kavita Sheth's Bombay Dreams (artist listed as KSHMR) and play it loud.

In the first 20 seconds, you shall be foot tapping. Totally addictive meshy music.

And Miss Sheth's voice is silky as ever. 

3046 : Kashmir by Led Zeppelin

Listening to Kashmir by Zeppelin on a good music system can uplift you on the worst of the days. What a magical riff the song has. 

Try and listen to the version from "No Quarter" - which I like more than the original. No quarter was an album by Jimmy Page and Robert Plant (both band members).

Operatic, bass crushing, and soul uplifting. Video below.

This version is totally maniacal.

Sunday, December 20, 2020

3045 : Delicate sound of insecurity(ies)

 I do have more than my ton of things that I don't like to confront (is that a good definition of insecurity?)

One of my biggest ones is to probably outlive my children. I know I will immensely struggle with that.

Cant write more on this, my brain stalls even as I think around this topic. That's how much of a black box this fear is to me.

3044 : Political Indignation

 Slightly un-related to previous posts.

I am wary of political indignation in myself and others too. In my head its a dis-respect of democracy. Let me explain. You elect someone. She mucks up. You are up in arms and indignation. Does not help. Get the drift?

If you let your son make a choice, say to be an architect. He mucks it up. Indignation won't help. What will help is some ways of constructive dialogue, especially if those channels are open. It not, try and put energies into opening them.

Indignation (political) is the kind of interference we all do when we micro-manage our team players. Never helps.

If you want a real change or a real positive spinner, then push for reforms wherein better candidates are elected, wherein democracy has better checks and balances. 

Indignation in most cases is deeply un-democratic. It just does not seem so, because you have already chosen a side.

3043 : Indignation

 Indignation at anything means you agree that someone/something is "the fucked cause" of your "wretchedness". 

That shifts the control of the narrative from "me" to "you".

And that's why I watch out for indignation in myself. Because I don't want to lose my basic happiness. 

Do I ever get indignant? All the time. With everyone.

Awareness is never a salve for habit.

Friday, December 18, 2020

3042 : Our internal narratives

As I said 4 years ago I had a blooper. A big one at that. Almost took me out. 
When I look back I know I goofed up. Totally and singularly. 

And yet...when I sometimes hear others talk about their challenges. (Different from my example above).
I find them changing the narrative, almost rationalizing. Like someone I know thinks he is always stuck with arsehole bosses...someone else thinks that their life sucks because their partner is a difficult person. 

My point is I am sure in all of these transactions there were axe holders.

I tell myself that we control nothing. We are our own prisoners. I know I goofed up totally 4 years ago. Changing the narrative is a slippery slope.

3041 : Exuberance

Today at Hiranandani Powai.... I saw a young couple. Both in their early twenties. Guy plump with a pink shirt and denim and girl with flowery red one-piece small top-skirt. 

Both were eating ice cream off their cones. But they were also playful, fighting, pausing, laughing out aloud....and jump walking....which is start stop start stop.

I was mesmerized by their love and their Joie De Vivre. 
This is what life is meant to be. This is what all our lives can be. This is all that our lives should be.

Thursday, December 17, 2020

3040 : 4 years of looking inward

Four years ago, I had an incident. 

As a result of that setback, I struggled. As a response to the struggle, I started looking inward, to measuring life for what it is, then what a global or a social yardstick would be.

Am I better off? I think yes.

Am I out of the woods? No. Still struggle.

I have come to realize the Buddhist truism, that every setback is a teacher. It hugely helps you evolve.

Would I wish my setback on someone? Never. Though I think it helped me, my answer is Never.

Would I wish this on myself? My rational self says YES, and my selfish self says NO.

There everyone knows how weak I am.

3039 : The fantastic brain

My friend and I are walking in the parking of a mall. She is down and not feeling great. She is telling me about a decision related to her job - and how she wants to startup. We pass by a BMW and she changes gear, and asks mischievously "when is your beemer coming in?".

My mind is still stuck on the startup comment, and I vacuously give a blank answer. Just a nod. Whether for the startup comment or for the beemer she will never know. Meanwhile, I remember thinking, "she just needs to take the plunge. here she goes again, endlessly regurgitating her present options."

At that point - someone kicks me hard (my son) and I wake up with a start. I am dreaming. But the dream was as lifelike as real. Including the way, I had rationalized her comment in my head. Her dressing style, her speaking style, her "ragging" me over the car........perfectly re-created by the brain.

How many times have all of us been truly mesmerized by this blowout feature of our brains?

3038 : Beamed out

 I have decided that unless I have to, I am not going to buy an expensive car. Something which had originally featured as a life goal about 10 years ago. The Beemer 3 series was on my wish list. I could not afford it then.

And now I have decided I don't want it. 

And now (repetition), yesterday, my neighbour (not the same "dog" one, but the more "vain" one), bought a new X5.

The new 2020 X5 is a total stunner. The car is parked next to mine, and every single day I spend a good 10 seconds looking at it. 

I still don't want a new car, but I am beginning to appreciate what true beauty and art might look like.

Lifetimes 5 :-) beamed out.

3037 : The fortune of being "me"

 Our neighbor adopted a dog off the street. About 3 months ago. She used to feed strays in the complex, and she still does. One of the strays began tailing her more and more and eventually, she ended up adopting him.

A few existential questions waft in my head 

- do the other dogs envy this dog, or pity him?

- will some other strays who also want to be adopted begin to go tail this lady too?

- will this lady become like a "mother Teressa type" savior angel in our complex's dog community?

That's the post.

Sunday, December 13, 2020

3036 : Heavy by Tom Clark

 Bumped into this via twitter. Totally loved it.


When the gods die

the myths 

are lifted off our backs.

Peace be with them.

They were heavy.

3035 : Run Around by Blues Traveller (what fab writing at its best)

 Oh, once upon a midnight eerie

I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the thoughts of a trusted friend
Who needs to humor me and tell me lies, yeah humor me and tell me lies
And I'll lie too and say I don't mind
And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Well, what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully
But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up?
When all it does is slow me down
Shake me and my confidence
About a great many things
But I've been there I can see it cower
Like a nervous magician waiting in the wings
Of a bad play where the heroes are right
And nobody thinks or expects too much
And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights
Singing "Hey babe, let's keep in touch", hey baby, let's keep in touch
But I want more than a touch I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon if we're lucky we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine, the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme, so don't you feed me a line
But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up?
When all it does is slow me down
Tra la la la la bombardier, this is the pilot speaking
I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do
Oh sure the banner may be torn and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink it and always be full, yeah I will drink it and always be full
Oh I like coffee and I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take
Well all right okay, so be that way
I hope and pray that there's something left to say
But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?
Oh you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?

3034 : Kisi Nazar Ko Tera Intezaar aaj bhi hain from Aitbaar

I have loved this song for over 30 years if not more. My brother introduced me to this song. He had (has) great taste in music.

Sung by Bhupinder, lyrics by Hassan Kamal and music by Bappi Da :-) & Dimple looks stunning.

What memories.

3033 : Raees Khan playing Hansdhuni

 I have been working for the past 2 hrs and I must have played Hansdhuni at least 10 times in that time.

This is my third post on this song.

What would I give to have been in the studio that day. 

Just listening to this on a good system gives goose pimples.

Also, what does this say about my taste in music :-)? 

Narrow band it is.

3032 : Cant help falling in love with you by UB40

 Blame it on my love of reggae.....but I have been humming this song for the best part of 2 weeks.

Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you

And today I played it at full blast. What joy !!

3031 : Aik Elif

jo na jane haq ki taqat

rab na deve usko himmat
jo na jane haq ki taqat
rab na deve usko himmat
hum man ke dariya me dube
hum man ke dariya me dube
kaisi naiya kya majhdhar

What lyrics for a day like today !!
You have to listen to believe that music can completely alter a mood.

Lines appear at 4:40

Saturday, December 12, 2020

3030 : Gulzar vs Ghalib

 I was talking to her, and told her that I love Gulzar more than Ghalib. And she said, 

"Hum ko tho malum hain janaat ki haqeeqat kya hain, magar dil ke rakhne ko, ghalib yeh khayal bhi achha hain.", and she twirled and posed a question with her nose? Almost asking me "can you beat that?"

I honestly told her, that unlike her, I was not well versed in hindustani and struggled with Ghalib, but Gulzar came more naturally to me. 

She said, "Toh seekh lo. I learnt reading urdu, just to read Ghalib in its pristine form."

I did not say anything, there was nothing to disagree. She was right. I had stopped learning urdu at 17, after almost learning it more than half way through.....and now I was a mess. Too old to learn. Too wasted to learn to love again.

I must have silent for a few seconds, when she barked, "Will you say something? Say something. Just speak innane stuff as you always do."

I said, "I agree" more to shut the conversation than anything. She realized that I had become introspective and she asked "Are you sure you are not lying, to just shut the chat?".

And I remembered a Gulzar poem  - "Kaun kehta hain hum jhooth nahin bolte. Ek Baar Khairiyat toh puch ke dikhiye."

3029: Raees Khan playing Hansdhuni (Hamsadhwani)

Nowadays every time I am low, which is often :-) :-) :-), I find myself reaching out to Hansdhuni by Raees Khan. 

Always gets my goose.

I close my eyes and listen to it. There is a story around that gesture. Here goes.

I used to own the soundtrack (background) for the movie Satya - directed by Ram Gopal Varma and music by Sandeep Chowta. The music, the titles for each of those pieces and the whole CD heard in order is ethereal.

I still own the soundtrack and still often play it.

And the reason I referenced it - in the sleeve RGV says - when he would evaluate music (background score) for his movies, he would listen to the whole movie with the score - with his eyes closed. His point was - his hearing experience was heightened. 

That tale had a huge impact on my 19-year-old self. I still often find myself listening to my favorite songs with my eyes closed.

3028: Patience by Guns N Roses

 I am whistling (and I am terrible at it) just like Axl Rose whistles in the song. (or attempting to be just like).

My daughter likes :-)

Thursday, December 10, 2020

3027 : Dance Dance (on Astad Deboo)

 Via Twitter, unknown authorship. Google search did not help.

Monday, December 07, 2020

3026 Have been struggling to read

Too much mindspace lost on the pursuit of being useless.
That's the post.

3025: Money Vs wealth Vs happiness

I was reading a bit of Naval Ravikant and he has his whole theory why money in itself can also be a good objective...since it buys you freedom. 
I agree... but I disagree.

I am beginning to see the futility of money when confronted with my own mortality.

It's a little lonely along this trajectory.....both along the fork of mortality or along the path where money stops mattering....

Is it my privelege? Now that I don't have to fight for my daily basics. 
Am I posturing?
Or as Naval puts it am I status signalling ?

One for the road. 

3024 : Take five by Dave Brubeck Quartet

 A whole host of us like Take Five - by Dave Brubeck Quartet. The song predates me and will long live after me.

Its a classic.

And then you listen to the same by the Sachal Ensemble Orchestra and its goose pimples :-) by the dozen :-).

Watch the second video :-) and smile the goofy smile we all smiled as kids.

3023 : Huff and Puff

 A few days ago I sat down and shared a smoke with an estranged friend. As the smoke wafted across the room, I could smell her in the smoke.

Ah....and that smelt like teen spirit :-)

Friday, November 27, 2020

3022 : Struggling to write

 I am struggling to write in the past few days, also to read.

Mental fatigue is kicking in big time. This constant strain of having to "reach" somewhere with work/with admin/with personal goals.

And in these times - the things that mean the most to you - the writing, the reading the music -  take a complete toss.


Tuesday, November 24, 2020

3021 : Ocean vs the brook

 “Learn this from water: loud splashes the brook, but the ocean's depth are calm.” ~ Buddha

3020 : The too much...the too little...Jewishness" by Paul Celan

 There was talk of your God, I spoke

against him, I

let the heart I had
his highest, his death-rattled, his
contending word—

Saturday, November 21, 2020

3019 : Purpose

Is the purpose of individuals/businesses to also take stands ?
I think the answer is YES. A loud one at that. But it is incredibly hard. 

I ponder this in the context of Noam Chomsky being called off the Tata Lit Festival. 

Tatas seemingly prioritized what's better for their business, over what might appear to be a stand. 

And don't tell me cancelling someone (in this case Chomsky) is a stand. It's not. It's what I call as the "inert" response. Neither positive nor negative. Either positive or negative would be a stand. 

3018 : Reading list 2020: #23: Azadi by Miss Arundhati Roy

 I like Miss Arundhati Roy.  She writes well, takes stands and speaks damn eloquently. 

I liked this book immensely. It teaches/coaxes a different way of looking at the world. It teaches us to question and look inward.

It a series of essays, some of them very repetitive. On a scale of 10 I would rate this book 10 on writing and 7 on content.

Loved it all the same.

Images from Penguin.

Brings my 2020 reading total to 7143 pages

3017 : Yeh Nayan Dare Dare by Hemant Kumar

I have heard three versions of this song - from Hemant Da, Lata Didi, and Jagjit Singh.....and that's the order I like them too. 

It's an extremely haunting song. You shall keep humming it all through the day and all through the week.

The reason I got reminded of this song when a dear friend of mine played this on the flute.

Sunday, November 15, 2020

3016: Why do we read what we read?

Most people assume that we read what we like or what sounds like what we shall like.

Martin Amis believes we read possibly because there is something we don't understand but would like to understand. 

Example I read a lot about violence, a lot about the depths of human behaviour. I also read about power and it's trip. And finally tons of zen and Buddhism.

All three topics span the spectrum. I read all of them because I don't understand much about any of them, but I really would want to.

I cannot agree more with Mr. Amis.

Saturday, November 14, 2020

3015: Art is...

A peacock created by hand that took over 35 mins. Not by me. But I was mesmerized by the process. Fascinating.

Friday, November 13, 2020

3014: First impression

You will never get a second chance at creating a good first impression.

Advice from Martin Amis and Chris Hitchens

3013: There is no place like home to wind down

My solitude, my books and my music.....notice the "my".....the ego is dead, long live the ego. 

3012: The death of the poem

I was reading Martin Amis (and Phoebe Philips ha ha ha ha 😊) and he veers into a direction why real poetry will die. 
And I loved the insight. His premise is that in this modern world (accelerated world) he thinks we shall have less and less time for pregnant pauses....for shared epiphanies on which we meditate.....and that precisely sums up what poetry is.
I found it immensely insightful. 

3011: Fleets

She had unbelievably good hand writing.

That's the post. 😊

3010: Neither a hermit nor an urban fit

I met some normal urban folks. Happy, tight knit, totally involved in the goals of the everyday, and good specimen of the urban genre.

I don't fit in with them. No sense of fashion 😂, no naked ambition, no harmony with spouse 😂 and that makes me a misfit. 

And I also met a modern hermit. I cannot but admire immensely. He is indeed a role model.

And I realised. I am neither here nor there. A wannabe in both spheres. Posturing. 

3009: Sin #4

Someone who can was once my peer became very senior somewhere today. And a large part of me is suffering from envy and jealousy. 

The thought in my opinion envy is - this could have been me...and also, now it shall never be me. 

What have I become ? Is this even normal ? Buddhism and reductionsm be damned. 

A part of the edifice has crumbler and crumpled. Need to rebuild and also - iron out.

3008: Rut

Every now and then I get into a rut - no reading, no writing and no blogging. 
Almost like a mindfcuk. Almost.

3007: Spirit world Vs real world

In a chat it was implied that the current world has become too political. 
And so has the discourse. 
And I was wondering for whom ?
Me ?
Us ?

The politicking of the world fatigues me,and I do want to avoid it. For my own sense of being unable to change it.

Also because I want to try and focus my what is beautiful, what is ephemeral and what moves our spirits. 

Focus is hard. Jostling is involving and fills up time. It's a battle between the spirit and the real world.